Apologize
by Capella-Lestrange-Riddle
Summary: "In the future, you're going to do something horrible to that girl." Nick heard the words of his "future self" in his head. "Apologize." He smiled bitterly – the crazy man had been right. Some language; not enough to be T, but may change in the future. References to episode "Katie"
1. Chapter 1

_"Hey Jess," Nick said, head down. "Someday in the future I might do something really bad to ya, and I hope you'll forgive me."_

_Jess looked at him, confused. "What are you gonna do?"_

_"I don't know."_

_"Well… I forgive you." Jess smiled her contagious smile before turning to answer the door._

* * *

It was three years later. Nick couldn't believe what he just did. He was just so… _stupid._ Why would he ruin everything with her? What in God's name was wrong with him?

He was sitting on the floor, hands clutching tightly to the sheet of paper in his hand. "God damn it" he whispered to himself, a tear running down his cheek. He looked down at the letter, her voice ringing in his ears.

_I thought you were someone who would never, ever hurt me! How could you do this to me? I thought you were different… I thought you were better than that! Well I hope you're happy now, Nick. I… I hate you._

He didn't even say he was sorry. And now she was gone. Her room was cleared, her engagement ring was on the kitchen table – having previously been sitting on top of the letter Nick was now holding – and she would probably never come back. Schmidt and Winston had surely heard their fight last night, but they hadn't woken up yet. Nick hadn't even slept.

* * *

Jess just drove. She had no idea where she was going, and she could barely see the road. She wiped furiously at her tears – she was angry and sad and filled with hatred. Hatred for the man she had truly loved. The first man she had loved.

When Spencer had cheated on her, she was angry and sad and surprised, but she hadn't felt what she was feeling now. She wanted to rip up something and jump off a bridge and do something completely horrible. She wanted to make him feel as much pain as she was feeling now.

Her phone began to buzz. She looked down; Nick had called 7 times since he had found that she had left. She was gone before he had even come home. She shook her head, more tears welling in her eyes as she saw Nick's face on her phone. With a determined sigh, she grabbed her phone, rolled down her window, and chucked the phone as far as she could.

_**Please review; I'd love to hear what you think! More to come very, very soon (I've already started ch.2) :)**_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey guys... I want to forewarn you that some of this may be a little OOC - I'm not good at writing comedy, and this isn't funny, so if Jess doesn't seem super bubbly and Nick doesn't seem kind of awkward I'm sorry.**

* * *

Nick started to pace. It had been a day since he found the letter; a day of trying to find Jess. Cece had called her nearly as many times as he had, Schmidt and Wilson were out looking for her, and Nick was pacing at the park where their first official date was, a bottle in his hand.

He just didn't understand how he could be so completely stupid. He was mad at himself, he was mad at her for leaving, and he just wanted to rip up something and jump off a bridge and do something completely horrible. He coughed out a humorless laugh as he realized he had already done the last thing.

_"In the future, you're going to do something horrible to that girl."_ Nick heard the words of his "future self" in his head. "_Apologize."_ He smiled bitterly – the crazy man had been right. With newfound determination, Nick began to run. He ran faster than he ever had. He had to find Jess.

* * *

Jess had to pull over. She had no idea where she was – although she doubted she was still in California. She had been driving for a whole day in one straight line nonstop. She was exhausted, and could barely keep her head up. She hated that he did this to her. She pounded her fists on the steering wheel angrily, and screamed at the top of her lungs. She knew this was more her fault than his as she remembered the other day.

_"Stop yelling at me, Jess." Nick replied to her screams as calmly as he could. He had never seen her this mad._

_"Just stop talking! I don't understand – why don't you trust me!? We've been together for TWO YEARS! Yes, I'm co-teaching with an attractive guy and we spend a lot of time together for work, but why on earth would you get so crazy jealous?! Why can't you trust me?" Whereas all the other words sounded angry, the last line of her rant sounded defeated. Her big eyes, brimming with tears, stared into him. Nick felt anguish as well as anger._

_"Jess, how can you expect me not to get suspicious? You have to cancel date after date to work on 'lesson plans'! Give me a break! What guy in his right mind would think you WEREN'T cheating on him!"_

_Jess sighed, and rubbed her forehead. "I think we need to take a break."_

_"Yeah, let's get out of here, just clear our heads and –"_

_"No, Nick. I mean a break… from us"_

He had just looked at her, stunned, and then left, slamming the door. She had sat in the corner and cried. And then, 2 hours later, she had seen him at the bar he worked at, at least 5 shots lined up in front of him, another in hand, while he and some girl were about to kiss. She had come to apologize. She left in a rage.

And now she was on the side of some strange, eerie road, wishing that he were there and wishing that he were dead all at once. She sighed heavily – even though she was mad, she had to go back to LA. Her class needed her. She had been on the side of the road for an hour thinking, and even though she could hardly hold her eyes open, she started up her car and turned around, driving back the way she came.

* * *

_**Reviews appreciated, as always! Thanks for reading guys! Sorry, it's a very Ross/Rachel situation... too similar?**_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Your reviews are what keep me going, so thank you so much! So I originally had intended for this to be a one shot, but it was so long already that I decided to make it a multi-fic, so I'm struggling with it a little bit... suggestions would be fantastic! Love you guys!**

* * *

Cece saw Jess's car a day after Nick had told her what happened, parked right in front of the park where Nick and she had had their first official date. Jess, however, had not been in it. Cece had called everyone – she hadn't seen Nick for a day, and he hadn't answered his phone, but the others were relieved. At least they knew she was somewhere in LA. Somewhere close.

* * *

Nick couldn't figure out why he ran – all he knew was that by the next morning, he had ran right back to where he started. He had been running all over town, looking for any sign of her. He needed to apologize – he had been so completely drunk that night that he didn't even remember what he had done to that girl. But Jess had saw it; she explained it in the letter. All he could think about was his future self 3 years ago. If the crazy man hadn't told him to apologize, would he be doing what he was doing now? What would his life be if he never got to say sorry?

He was pacing when he noticed her car. She had slowly climbed out, tear streaks down her face, dress wrinkled and hair knotted. She slumped onto the bench where they had had their first real kissed, head in her hands. He couldn't tell whether she was crying or had fallen asleep. He walked to her tentatively, and sat down next to her.

"I'm sorry." He watched her stiffen next to him. So she was awake. Nick ran his hands through his hair. "I'm so, so sorry. I'm the biggest idiot in the entire world. I was so confused and mad and I didn't know what to do. I honestly had no idea what to do without you. I went to the bar because it's the only place I knew, but I didn't even realize I was going there until I already was there. And all I could think about was how I knew that without you, my life was completely over. There was no point left if I didn't have you. Because you're everything to me, Jess. And I know that I made the biggest mistake in the world, getting drunk and doing… I can't express to you how completely and utterly sorry I am. And I'll leave if you want me to leave, and I'll never come back if you never want to see me again. But I love you so much, Jess, and I want you to know that. I love you more than anything, and I'm sorry."

He looked up from the blades of grass he was staring at and saw her big, beautiful blue eyes looking at him filled with emotions he couldn't name. Anger, sadness, and, he prayed, love. He wanted to wrap his strong arms around her, he wanted to slowly lift her chin and kiss her softly, he just wanted to touch her. But he knew he shouldn't – he didn't want to push her, or make her angry. So he just watched her.

* * *

Jess looked at Nick, a little stunned. He had never talked about his feelings that much. Ever. They had been together for two years and never had she heard him actually talk about himself like that. When he looked up at her, all she could see in his brown eyes was love mixed with regret. She didn't know how to process what she was feeling; she was angry with him, and at the same time, she loved him so much. Her brain was muddled and she was so tired; she had no idea what she was feeling

Suddenly a wave of nausea hit her. Hard. She had no idea why – his confession didn't make her mentally sick… but her stomach was telling her that the few contents of her stomach were coming up any second. She stood up and ran to the nearest trash can, feeling bad for leaving Nick sitting on the bench with curiosity burning in his eyes.

As she dumped the contents of her stomach into the disgusting park trashcan, she heard nick walk up behind her and hold her hair back. The gesture was unexpected and shook her a bit, but she found comfort in it nonetheless. Once she was done, she hastily wiped her mouth and turned to face him.

"I think I went driving too long," Jess blurted out without meaning to. "I'm tired, and apparently I'm not feeling well. My brain is all muddy and I really can't think right now. Can we just go back home, please? Can we talk about this later?"

* * *

Jess looked exhausted; she could barely keep her eyes open. Had his apology really made her sick to her stomach? Did she hate him that much? Nick nodded solemnly in response to her question and walked with her back to her car, getting in the drivers seat and heading back to the flat. He just wanted things to go back to the way they were, and he hoped she'd forgive him once she felt less sick.


	4. Chapter 4

They drove in strained silence, Nick looking every so often at Jess out of the corner of his eye. She was leaning her head back on the seat, eyes shut, as though she were trying to fall asleep but couldn't. There was so much that Nick wanted to do and say, but he knew that right now it was in his best interest to leave her alone. She needed to think, and nobody liked to mess with an angry Jess, especially if she were sick.

When they finally got to the flat, Nick helped Jess out of the car slowly and they walked up to their room, not speaking the whole way. Nick opened the door for her slowly.

"Hey Nick, where have you – Oh my God Jess, there you are! How are you, where have you been?!" Schmidt exclaimed, running over to where Jess was coming through the door. She accepted his bear hug, but didn't lift her arms up to embrace him back.

"Jess, we were worried sick!" Cece spoke softly, sensing that something wasn't right. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just feel really sick all of a sudden. I'm going to go lie down." Jess slowly headed to her room, smiling at Winston since he hadn't gotten to actually welcome her. "Oh, and sorry if I scared you guys," she said, slightly ironically, as she closed the door to her room. They all heard the bolt click, indicating her locking the door.

"Jess never locks the door. Not even after the naked incident all those years ago did she begin to lock. What the hell did you do, Nick?" Cece asked, concern with hints of anger all over her face.

"I found her at the park and apologized, but she just… threw up. Literally, she threw up and then asked if we could come home. She said she wants to talk about it tomorrow." Nick sighed and looked at his feet. All he wanted was for everything to go back the way it was.

"Well, I'm going to go talk to her. You, Nick Miller, are a huge idiot. You better hope she forgives your sorry ass," Cece said exasperatedly, giving Nick a glare.

* * *

After Jess locked the door she fell on their bed, crying. She didn't know what was happening – why was she sick, and why was she this emotional? Nick had just given her the best apology she had ever heard, and he didn't _do_ anything, really. If anything, it was her fault. So why couldn't she muster up the courage to say sorry? Why did she run, why was she balling her eyes out now, and why the _hell_ did she throw up at the park? All she wanted to do was sleep for days – and eat pickles – but that would have to wait, as she heard a quiet knock on her door.

"Jess, honey, it's Cece, open up."

Jess reluctantly got off the bed and opened the door, letting Cece walk in and hug her tight.

"I don't know what's wrong," Jess hiccupped, calming her sobs into silent tears. "I shouldn't be this mad at Nick – he really didn't do anything that bad at all! It's all my fault, really. But now all I can think of is food, and all my emotions are mixed up and seem wrong. Cece, what should I do?!" Jess threw her hands up, sick and tired of dealing with everything. She just wanted things to go back to the way they had been before she had been stupid and ran off.

Cece studied her face closely, confusion and anger turning into realization quickly. "Honey," she said slowly. "When was the last time you had your period?"

Jess looked at Cece, confused. Why would she ask something like that? She opened her mouth to say last month, but abruptly closed it. She actually couldn't remember the last time she had her period. The last time she bought tampons was at least 2 months ago…

Jess gasped. "No, no, that can't be right. There's no way." Jess began pacing, running her hands through her hair. "We use protection!"

"Jess, you know that doesn't always work. How long has it been?" Cece was excited, but she didn't let it show.

Jess thought back hard. "February." Cece gasped; it was the end of April.

"How did you not notice for that long?!"

"I don't know! Things were so great and I guess I didn't really think about it! Oh my God, what will Nick think?" Jess was truly freaking out now. They had just had this huge fight – she had suggested a break for crying out loud! What if he didn't want it… what if he didn't want her?

"Nick loves you, Jess." Cece said, rubbing her friends back soothingly. "He will be so excited. You just gotta tell him. You don't have to forgive him because he's an idiot… in fact, you should hold this over his head so that he will feel the need to dote on your every will!" Jess rolled her eyes – now Cece was being ridiculous. Jess inhaled deeply.

"Well, guess I better go out there and tell him now."

"Maybe you guys should get over this whole fight first, hun, then – "

"No, Cece. I can't just keep this kind of thing from him." Jess braced herself, excitement replacing anger, but nerves still persisting. "Let's go."

* * *

**A/N: Ah! So I definitely didn't plan for this, but then I thought, why not! I wont leave you guys hanging for too long with Nick's response, don't worry :) It's killing me that there's no new episode this week... thanks for all the reviews, they keep me going and make my story better! y'all rock!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N) A few things...**  
**1) I'm so sorry it took me so long to update! I've been so busy with everything in my life right now, I really didn't have time :( Thanks for being patient:)**  
**2) We're almost there guys. Just a few more days.**  
**3) DID YOU WATCH PALEYFEST?! seriously though, I really cannot take it. At all. I have so many more emotions - it gave me a lot of inspiration! And the new promo for 2x19. I'm done.**  
**Anyway, let's begin :)**

* * *

Jess had taken a few minutes to try to map out what she was going to say to Nick, but all of that fluttered out of her mind and was replaced with the static fuzz of nerves as she left the comfort of her bedroom. Cece followed closely behind her, not wanting to interfere in any way. This was for Jess and Nick to talk about. She silently ushered Schmidt and Winston out of the main living area, leading them out into the hall. Almost immediately the trio had their heads pressed up against the bottom of the door to try and hear the conversation.

"What was that about? Why did everyone just silently leave?" Nick was extremely confused. It was not like their roommates to just walk out when things were about to get good... or very bad.

"Haha, I know, weird, right?" Jess laughed nervously. She could tell Nick knew something was up. Jess looked at the floor boards, trying to remember how she wanted to tell him this information.

Nick just looked at Jess. He had said his piece; if she wanted to break up with him, if she wanted to apologize as well (although he knew she really didn't have anything to apologize for - he was the asshole in this situation), anything, he would listen. So he waited.

Jess cleared her throat. She met his confused gaze with her worried one, and then she remembered his apology. He loved her; he loved her alot. He would love this. He would be happy about this.

"Okay, so..." Jess began, slipping into one of her awkward voices. Nick pulled a turtle face.

"Jess, don't use a voice!" He sounded exasperated, but she could see a smile in his eyes.

"Right, this is serious. Important. Okay." She shook her head, trying to clear it. Nick ended up speaking before she did.

"Look, Jessica, if you don't want to do this anymore because of what I did, then I'll go. But I will fight for ya Jess, because I love ya alot. So-"

"I'm pregnant," Jess squeaked, interrupting him. She looked straight into his eyes to gauge his reaction.

It took Nick a minute to actually understand what the words she had just said meant. He was expecting "Nick, I hate you" or "Nick, why do you mess up everything?" but this? Jess was pregnant... he was going to be a father.

He thought back to his own father for only a brief second - how horrible of a dad he was. Nick would never be like that - he did tell Jess once that if he were to get her pregnant, he would love that baby with all his heart.

Now all he could see was a little girl with bright blue eyes and chocolate brown hair running around it a frilly polka dot dress. Or a little boy with nearly black hair and poop brown eyes. Then he heard Jess clear her throat, looking at him expectantly and worriedly.

He wasn't sure he would be able to form words to express how excited he was about this news, so he quickly crashed his mouth onto hers. It took Jess a moment to register what was happening, but soon kissed him back eagerly, all thoughts of their fight out of her mind. This had to be a good thing.

When they finally pulled away from each other because of the need to breath, Nick just smiled. Jess giggled; she had never seen him smile that big in all the years she knew him... well, maybe when she said yes to his proposal.

Oh right, the proposal.

"So, um, can I have the ring back?" Jess bit her lip, and Nick's smile grew wider. He pulled it out of his pocket and slipped it onto her ring finger, where it truly belonged. She marveled at it as though it was the first time she had really seen it.

"About everything that happened, Nick... I overreacted entirely. You were drunk and I lead you to do it and -"

"Jess, stop. Don't blame yourself for this. I was an idiot, and I screwed up, like I always do. But I'm not gonna screw up at this," Nick looked at her stomach. "We're not gonna screw up with this kid." Jess smiled. She always figured Nick would be a fantastic father.

"No, we aren't. Although he or she might come out a bit crazy..."

"A bit? I'd say full-blown crazy." They laughed together as Nick pulled her into a tight hug. "I love you so much." The whispered words sent a chill down her spine. This was perfect.

* * *

**A/N: how was that? I don't know how I feel about this one; I had a bit of trouble figuring out how I was going to write this. Reviews appreciated!**


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